Marry him: The case for settling for Mr. Good enough

By Lori Gottlieb

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

When I first read this book I didn’t think very much of it.  Why?  Maybe it was the title.  More, however, it was because I thought it was just one woman’s experiences, point of view, and advice.  Sure, she had tried speed dating, online searches, and worked with a dating coach in her attempts to find an adequate relationship partner, and she writes about these in a very readable and enjoyable manner, but anyone (I thought) could do what she did and then write about his or her experiences.  I found the book rather “talky” and “trite.”  But, I changed my tone having read some of the other reviews
on Amazon.com.  Readers found it particularly insightful, interesting, and thought-provoking.  (Shows you where my head is!)

Kate Oszko, from Brisbane, Australia, wrote, “It was a very easy read full of anecdotes and stories about what women look for and why really smart, talented and interesting women are often left alone. I guess it is reminding us to look beyond the obvious, not get too caught up in those endless "lists" of what we want in a man, and to focus on what we "need.”  Oszko ends her review by saying, “I had been having difficulty getting into reading, and this was a great way to get motivated again. It took me about a day and was interesting and thought provoking.”

Yolanda Mccarden ("YoYo") wrote, “I didn't really think I would like this book. I however found it interesting. I liked being able to see myself at different stages of dating - beginning in my twenties and now in my forties. I purchased this book for my mother - who just wanted to read it to see what it was about. She gave it to me and now I look at dating in my age bracket differently. I now can talk to my friends about the problems they've been having as well as addressing my own.”

Corin Duran wrote, “Please do not disregard this gem because of the title! I am married and heard about this book. I got it because I was intrigued and curious. I was not disappointed... it was witty, fun and refreshing. After reading the book, I realized that you don't have to be single to enjoy it. I'm not looking for a husband, not unhappy in my marriage and yet I gained a new appreciation for my relationship and my husband. This is truly a wonderful book that anybody could benefit from, no matter if you're single, married, divorced, separated, widowed, etc.”

When I began writing my review there were 92 reviews of Gottlieb’s book on Amazon.com, and the book received a rating of 4 1/2-stars out of 5.  That tells you something — maybe that I should not even begin to review a book that is “out of my league.”  I just have no experience in these areas.  Why did I choose to review the book?  I thought it might be interesting.  I like variety in my life.

Rachael S. Stern ("Rachel Stern") of Pikesville, Maryland, writes the following 5-star review of the book: “Having been successfully married for the past ten years, and having engaged in an active search for a mate before I met my late husband, I can say from experience that Lori essentially has it right. The most important ingredient in a successful relationship is this: empathy. Lori called it compassion, I believe, but I think of it as empathy.  If I wanted a guy to tell me He was so lucky to have married me then I had to tell him that I was the lucky one. If I wanted him to tell me that I was the best wife in the world, then I had to tell him he was the best husband in the world. It works. Treat others as you want to be treated yourself. The golden rule. Somewhere along the way, this has been forgotten.”  (If this was the essential discovery Stern received from her reading of the book, then I would suggest that the 318-page book was not especially valuable — and yet she gave it the full five stars!)

Listen to this 5-star review by Ali B. of New York, NY, “I can't tell you how absolutely fantastic this book is. I keep telling all my girlfriends about it. It's like a dirty romance novel that I just could not put down! It was also very relatable--very 2010--I easily could put myself in most situations, most especially [...]. It was very eye opening and enlightening. I think it can also empower women to open their eyes and see that there are actually a lot of great men out there, if we just relax and stay open minded.”

This 5-star review, by D. Wagner of Los Angeles, CA, says it all: “Are you a young single woman looking for love? You must read this book! How about a 40-something single woman? Single man? (Unhappily) married couple? Happy couple? You should ALL read this book! Why? Because it's one of the funniest, best researched books on relationships out there. Citing a variety of experts (matchmakers, psychologists, happy couples, economists ... even a rabbi), Lori Gottlieb gets to the heart of the issue: how we make decisions about love. Reading this book will likely help you to make better decisions when it comes to your love life - and perhaps decisions that could improve your life all around as well.”

See, there is no way I would be able to review this book appropriately — even though you DO get caught up in the stories and anecdotes.  From all the reviews I read, I understand 1) the value of the book, 2) for whom the book was written, and 3) the wit, charm, and style readers discovered in Gottlieb’s approach.  I’m a believer!  Just from the reviews, you get a clear idea of how well liked Gottlieb and this book are.  (I withdraw my concerns as well as my judgments of this book.  When the shoe fits, even when it’s not your foot, you must consider the feet of others!)

This book can be found at Amazon.com: Marry him: The case for settling for Mr. Good enough

Empire of illusion: The end of literacy and the triumph of spectacle

By Chris Hedges

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

When I find a book that challenges me to think and question, I want to shout about it to the world.  This is, indeed, one of those books.  It’s far more than that, however, for it clearly illustrates how fantasy, illusion, and escapism infuse our society, economy, and political system as one reviewer noted.  It doesn’t require a stretch to accept his observations; if you are a media user and an observer of popular culture, you will easily (and readily) confirm what he writes.

Chris Hedges is a terrific writer, and the material he writes about here (literacy, love, wisdom, happiness, and America) closely relate to all of us.  This is one of those “must read” books that will not only capture your imagination but will dwell in your thoughts long after you put this book down.

I thought his selection of subjects was excellent, his use of other thinkers and writers for support of his observations was outstanding, and his obvious reporter skills for precision and accuracy were well demonstrated.  Yes, it is “gloom and doom”; however, I truly believe that he is on the right track.  He does not set out to solve the problems he details, nor is he into “future gazing.”  He simply and methodically reports — as a competent reporter should.  And what he writes about, whether it is pro-wrestling, the porn industry, celebrity culture, or the dumbing down (corporate takeover) of higher education (and “the military-industrial-academic complex” (p. 91), is not just engaging, it overwhelms the senses.

He writes in Chapter 5, “The Illusion of America”: “At no period in American history has our democracy been in such peril or the possibility of totalitarianism as real.  Our way of life is over.  Our profligate consumption is finished.  Our children will never have the standard of living we had.  This is the bleak future.  This is reality.  There is little President Obama can do to stop it.  It has been decades in the making.  It cannot be undone with $1 trillion or $2 trillion in bailout money.  Nor will it be solved by clinging to the illusions of the past” (p. 145).

This is an important book, and as I said at the outset of this review, it is truly a “must read” for everyone.  We live in a time where spectacle triumphs!

This book can be found at Amazon.com: Empire of Illusion: The end of literacy and the triumph of spectacle

The pocket therapist: An emotional survival kit

By Therese J. Borchard

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

The reviews of Borchard’s book at Amazon.com are outstanding — all nine of them as this review is being written — and I am not going to deviate from this trend.  I am truly impressed with this book.

First, I enjoyed Borchard’s writing style.  She is direct, straightforward, and to-the-point.  She is forthright and honest.  She really confesses a great deal in trying to help her readers.  I was so impressed with her insights that I read the book almost in a single setting.  It isn’t just her suggestions and ideas, it is, indeed, her sense of humor as well which shines through.  Answering the question,: “Is there any rule that is absolute?” Borchard uses the example about making rules for the kids, “‘Absolutely no candy before six o’clock.  Except when Dad is away and I need to bribe you with Kit Kats and Skittles.” (p. 99).  Delightful!

Self disclosure?  Lots of it.  “As a recovering alcoholic,” Borchard writes, “I know that you’re much more likely to relapse if your pals frequent drug rehabs more than grocery stores, and as a manic depressive, I have learned that staying sane is an easier job if you avoid those who talk doom and gloom, because once the negativity is out there, it’s up to me to tell my brain not to dwell on it” (p. 129).

Second, I appreciated her upbeat approach.  No matter what illness, malady, or trial you may be facing (even dizziness and nausea), Borchard’s stories, examples, and references are positive and uplifting.  You don’t have to have something as severe as mental illness (or a malignant tumor and undergoing chemotherapy and radiation) to get something from this 197-page book with 144 entries.  She is simply engaging.

Upbeat?  All the time.  “. . . Once I listen to an angry voice mail or receive a discouraging piece of news,” Borchard writes, “I start counting: one one-thousand, two two-thousand . . . and see how far I can get before breaking into hysteria.  When I’m able to squeeze in at least five seconds between the event and my reaction, I can respond more appropriately and appear more . . . um . . . chemically balanced” (p. 145).

Third, admittedly, much of her advice may simply reinforce things you already know, but that neither makes it trite nor unnecessary.  I first read this advice from Sydney Harris, when he was asked why he doesn’t become angry when the man who gives him a newspaper mistreats him: (and I am paraphrasing broadly here) I am not going to let him determine how I am feeling.  Borchard writes, “Never ever bequeath your authority to a person not named ‘I,’ ‘me,’ or ‘self.’  When a doctor hands you a prescription for a drug you haven’t heard of, research it before popping it into your mouth.  Or when a Blockbuster Video employee insists you pay $543 to replace their copy of Finding Nemo, buy a copy at Best Buy for $9.99 and hand it to him with a smile” (p. 151).  Basically, the advice is, take responsibility for your own actions and feelings.

Fourth, I loved the broad range of sources she has read, absorbed, and quoted from.  Some she mentions include The Little Prince, We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love, Touching Peace, The Four Agreements, Finding the Deep River Within, Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be, Cutting Loose, Ten Days to Self-Esteem, Joyful Wisdom: Embracing Change and Finding Freedom , What Happy People Know, and The Addictive Personality to name some of them.

Overall I found her Catholic upbringing acceptable.  Although it shows up occasionally throughout her 144 entries, it is neither intrusive nor cumbersome.  For some, knowing this may encourage them to read the book.  Many would already know this from reading her daily blog “Beyond Blue.”  Others may have read one of her previous books, I Like Being Catholic.  This is not a religious book, and it is not necessary to be a religious person (Christian, Jew, Muslim, or other) to gain from her insights.

Not being mentally ill, mentally unstable, or mentally compromised in any way (that I know about!), and having never visited a therapist, I want to share an insight from DS, whose review on Amazon.com, gives a perspective I cannot: “As someone who has spent thousands of dollars on therapy, partial and full psychiatric hospitalization programs, and who takes the time to self-educate, I can't say enough wonderful things about this book. The advice is practical and graciously compassionate to the ups and downs of managing mental illness like bi-polar and uni-polar depression. The reader will benefit from Ms. Borchard's brave review of her own ‘Ark of the Covenant’: her bin of journals, notes, and therapy worksheets covering the last twelve years.”

I think you will find this book interesting, useful, and . . . short.

This book can be found at Amazon.com: The pocket therapist: An emotional survival kit

Paradise beneath her feet: How women are transforming the middle east

By Isobel Coleman


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


From the back flyleaf: “Isobel Coleman is a senior fellow for U.S. foreign policy at the Council on Foreign Relations, where she also directs the council’s Women and Foreign Policy program.”  From one of the reviews (this one by Jeanette) at Amazon.com: “This book is the result of nearly a decade of travel, study, interviews, and writing about women in the Middle East.”


Talk about convincing!  Wow.  Coleman offers direct (sometimes anecdotal, much more often statistical) evidence to prove the value of giving money to women (not men), and educating women (along with men).  Here, she writes about educating women: “Due to the central role women play in the domestic sphere, increasing a mother’s schooling has a larger positive impact on the next generation than does adding to a father’s schooling by the same number of years” (p. 19).  The direct, positive correlation between a country’s openness to educating women and that country’s rise from poverty is clear and well established.


I thought Coleman’s comments about promoting women to government positions as a way to counter extremism was insightful and accurate.  (Isn’t it interesting that in America (between 1848 and 1920) “conservative Christians sustained a consistent rhetoric that giving women rights was against the teachings of the Bible, and would undermine the family” (p. 27), and as recently as 2010: “The Vatican today [July 15, 2010] made the ‘attempted ordination’ of women one of the gravest crimes under church law, putting it in the same category as clerical sex abuse of minors, heresy and schism.”  Can you believe it?  Islam doesn’t even allow men and women to pray together (p. 33).)


The key sentence of the book, and the point Coleman makes throughout her interviews and observations is this: “Islamists are trying to impose their restrictions on women . . . at a time when globalization and modernization are working in the other direction by inexorably expanding female opportunities” (p. 53).  Of course, her approach is much broader than this, and her research, interviews, and specifics about life for women in the Mideast cover a far wider range, too.


There are five countries which Coleman profiles regarding women’s rights: Iran, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, and Iraq.   Her writing is clear and easily digestible, her insights and observations are well-described and specific, and the anecdotes and stories are engaging and revealing.  Reading the profile she offers on each country is heart-stopping, breath-taking, and mind-bending — especially if you have never traveled in these countries or have little familiarity with various ways-of-life around the world.  It is hard to believe that countries could be this backward, regressive, and wrong-footed.  (In Afghanistan, a deeply conservative country, Coleman writes about it today: “The resurgent threat of the Taliban looms largest over the country’s women.”)


Incidentally, the stories Coleman tells throughout the book alone, will not just hold your attention, they will rivet you to your seat.


Look at what Coleman reports about Saudi Arabia: “Saudi Arabia is a country of contrasts, no more so than with respect to women.  Saudi women are internationally recognized doctors.  They are prominent businesswomen running global companies.  They are Ph.D. economists and scientists.  They are deans of colleges and heads of university departments.  They are journalists and newscasters.  Yet none of these women can drive in their home country or vote in a local election.  Saudi women enjoy fewer legal rights than women in any other country in the world today” (p. 205).  Did you know that?  These are the kinds of facts that you will learn from reading Coleman’s book.


Of course, Coleman goes much further than simply giving informational profiles of each country and how they treat their women.  Her emphasis is about how women are working to change their repressive environments.  What organizations are they forming?  How are they using their academic, professional, and economic successes to break down their country’s pervasive discriminatory policies and social attitudes?  In what ways are they experiencing political success and where are women’s reform efforts paying off?  This is the driving force of this book, and, too, it is what gives Coleman’s writing energy and vigor.


I don’t know whether you can tell it or not, but I loved this book.  One reviewer on Amazon.com writes: “Well-researched, well-written, and incredibly informative book by Coleman on Islamic feminism in the greater Middle East.”  I couldn’t agree more.


This book can be found at Amazon.com: Paradise beneath her feet: How women are transforming the middle east

A game of character: A family journey from Chicago's Aouthside to the ivy league and beyond

By Craig Robinson with Mim Eichler Rivas


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


If you’re just looking for a book of inspiration — searching for love, seeking discipline, establishing respect, living with conviction, being relentless, revealing passion — this would be a good choice.


If the book you want to read would be one about parental influence — that is, how parents can positively affect one’s life, and the imprint parents can leave on their children and their children’s values — this would be a good choice.


If, instead, you want a book about character — how a single person with strong motivation and unbelievable conviction — not only can influence others, but in special, well-orchestrated ways does influence those around him — this would be a good choice.


This is a well-written book in which Robinson derives important lessons from the way he was raised, the influences of both his parents, and the various guides and suggestions from his environment (teachers, professors, other coaches, co-players, kids he coached, and mentors) that he shares with his readers.


However, if you want a book that gives insight into the character of both Michelle Obama or Barack Obama, then this becomes an even more enjoyable and insightful choice.  For example, I found fascinating the way Craig and his sister, Michelle, went about vetting Barack — determining whether or not he would be a suitable suitor.  The insights Craig derived from the way Barack played a “pick-up” basketball game were both delightful and telling.  


It was great fun reading about how Michelle (Craig calls her Miche) LaVaughn Robinson met Barack (while he was interning at the Sidley Austin law firm in Chicago).  Craig writes of Miche’s interest: “But before that evening when we first met him, apparently Barack almost blew it by asking her out that first summer when he worked for her as an intern.  Big mistake!  When I heard about that, I had little hope for the guy.  Michelle turned him down, adamantly.  While I didn’t get the transcript of what she said, I can assure you that when my sister is adamant about something, there is no negotiating to follow” (p. 149).  There is much more on this, but this gives you an idea of how much insight and information Craig shares — and how he uses examples from his life to draw lessons.  In this case it was how the types of choices we make reveal character.


It was even more fun reading about Sasha as the flower-girl at Craig’s wedding, how she was coached, and then how she performed — dropping one petal at a time “with thoughtful strategy and purpose” (p. 184).  Delightful stuff.


How Michelle delivered the “best-man toast” at the reception was also insightful.  When she became choked-up, Barack “rose from his seat and went to stand next to her,” and how “I [Craig] went to stand on the other side of my sister—but I was more emotional than the two of them.  And by the time Michelle was done, everybody in the place was crying like a baby” (p. 186).


The way Barack introduced the idea of running for the presidency, how he bounced the idea off Craig, and how Barack “asked if I [Craig] minded talking to Michelle about how this window of opportunity might not ever be available again . . .” (p. 189), is truly fascinating history.  What Craig experienced emotionally before confronting Miche and his mother about Barack’s intentions was interesting, and how he prepared for both meetings was eye-opening to say the least (pp. 189-192).


Craig offers insider information about the planning and running of the campaign for the presidency and the role he was asked and came to play in the campaign.  He talks about the importance that the interactive Web site played in the campaign and how “the game plan developed by Barack with his closest strategists (David Axelrod and David Plouffe) hinged on changing the game of politics as usual” (p. 198).  There is no one else who can provide these insights, observations, and responses.  What the Obama campaign asked of Craig Robinson was really “above his pay grade,” but how he responded, prepared, and delivered is information you will not find elsewhere.


I thought what Craig writes about the campaign’s response to the “out-and-out-lies being reported as fact” was exceptional information: “Indeed, Barack, Michelle, and all of the Obama fr President staff would stay up above the fray and not get into the mud-slinging.  In the general election, that quality of character — keeping your cool and having the right temperament — would help win the day.  Barack’s natural ability to remain calm and focused on the problem at hand — ‘No Drama Obama’ — thus made him the leader that America needed at a time of grave uncertainties.  It’s one of his attributes that continues to amaze me [Craig], and I know him pretty well” (p. 209).


Sure, the book is about Craig, about basketball, and about character, but this book is amazing on a number of different levels.  At just 256 pages, it is well worth the read!


This book can be found at Amazon.com:  A game of character: A family journey from Chicago’s southside to the ivy league and beyond

A god who hates: The courageous woman who inflamed the Muslim world speaks out against the evils of Islam

By Wafa Sultan


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


Everyone should read this book.  Not only is it a captivating story, not only does Sultan do an excellent job in describing and providing the specific details of her journey, and not only will this book shock you by what Sultan describes, this book is a real education about an important element/fixture in our society.  This kind of knowledge is important, essential, and necessary.


Of well over 100 books that I have reviewed, this ranks at the very top of the list.  The very top!


When you are able to digest all the information Sultan offers readers, you will be amazed at the changes in your mental state, the alteration of your beliefs, and the fundamental changes in your attitudes toward the Muslim world and, especially, Islam.  She clearly provides the examples and the evidence that Islam is an archaic, outdated, obsolete, and anachronistic religion.


There is no way that a single review of Sultan’s book can possibly do it justice, and I know that this one will not; however, if you choose not to read this book, here is some of the essential information you will miss.


On page 26, she writes: “The teachings of Islam have destroyed the men and women there, and rendered them incapable of the smallest measure of humane behavior.”


On page 28, after writing about a young woman who had been sexually abused by her father, her brother, an uncle, or another male relative, who became pregnant not long after her first period, then taken to a doctor: “One would think that a doctor’s attitude to young women in distress such as this would have been one of care and sympathy.  No relationship between a man and a woman in that sick society could be anything but oppressive and exploitative, not even the relationship between a male doctor and his female patients. . . “


Page 57: “. . . Islam, in its teachings, mode of thinking, and way of life, is still captive in a prison whose doors have not opened for fourteen centuries.  It is exactly like a man who lives in a hut in the middle of a wood.  The hut is Islam and the wood is the unknown.  To avoid his fear of the unknown the man has locked all ways in and out of his hut and refuses to go out into the wood.  The Muslim treats the world around him in the same way that the man who lives in the hut does.  He is afraid of the world around him.  His education has not encouraged him to equip himself with the skills necessary for confronting his apprehensions or probing the depths of that world.  On the contrary, this education has taught him to fear his surroundings, convinced him to mistrust them, and warned him of the evil that that world holds in store for him.”


Page 79: “In Islam, a husband owns his wife just as he does the furnishings of his home.”


P. 114: “I feel into the trap of Islam in the early years of my childhood,” Sultan writes.  When I grew older, I decided to escape from that trap.  My freedom lies in my decision.  I don’t believe that I will ever be able to free myself completely from the jaws of that trap — no one can — but my inability to do so does not detract from my freedom.  I am free now, whether I manage to free myself completely or only partially.”


P. 124: “Under this law [Islamic law] the childhood of many young girls is violated throughout the Islamic world.  In many Arab countries such as Jordan, Syria, and Egypt, hundreds of crimes are committed every year against the rights of underage girls, who have no control over their lives, by men from the Arabian Gulf states.  These men with their illicit money and their nonexistent morals take advantage of the poverty running rampant in these countries to buy minors for money.  For each girl purchased by one of these monstrous pigs, it is the beginning of a journey of suffering, which usually ends with the underage girl being returned to her family after her childhood, her womanhood, her honor, and her reputation violated in exchange for trifling sums of money, in the name of marriage in accordance with the law of God and his Prophet . . . “


PP. 127-128: “When discussing the deteriorating position of women in the Muslim world some defenders of Muslim law protest, claiming that Islam revered women, but that some of its followers had misunderstood the Koran and the Prophetic tradtion.  But I still have a question: Have the same followers misunderstood the Prophet’s attitude to women in his lifetime?  Where are the Koranic verses or Prophetic traditions that can alleviate the ugliness of these attitudes?  They are not to be found.  How can we view the marriage of a fifty-year-old man to a six-year-old girl (consummated three years later) other than as rape?  The answer is not to be found.  How can we view the marriage of a man to his son’s wife as an acceptable act?  There is no passage to make one think otherwise.  How can we view a man’s marriage to his female captive after he has attacked her tribe and killed her husband, father, and brother except as a crime?  We can’t because there are no verses or traditions to persuade us otherwise?


P. 129: “Islam was born into an environment that sanctioned the capture and rape of women, holding them — not the man committing the crime — responsible.  Islam did not proscribe what was already permissible. On the contrary, it legalized it and enshrined it in canonical law. . . .”


P. 131: “A Muslim man can see himself only in terms of his ability to pump out money and sperm.  The Muslim woman, for her part, sees herself only as an incubator for his sperm and as a piece of furniture he has bought and paid for with his money.  The man alone decides when to take possession of this object and when to deposit his sperm in it dictating a relationship in which human feelings have no value.”


P. 135: “When I began to learn to read, the Koran was the first book I opened.  I can never remember anyone explaining these versus to me in a more merciful and tolerant way than I understand them today.  Today most Muslims attack me unmercifully.  They accuse me of picking out from the Koran those verses which serve my purposes, just as I would pick the best cherries out of a boxful.  Naturally, I like this simile, and cannot see anything in it that reflects badly on my reliability.  The box that God reveals is not supposed to have any spoiled cherries in it. . . .”


P. 137: “Muslim education has stunted women to the point of depriving them of their mind and their conscience.  This education has had a profound effect on the minds of Muslim men and women alike. . . .”


P. 139: “The Muslim male is conceited.  His ogre has appointed him as his deputy and has conferred absolute power upon him.  This power knows no bounds and has no respect for women’s intelligence or emotions.  Even where something as private and personal as having sex with one’s spouse is concerned, Islam gives women no choice in the matter.  Muhammad: says in another hadith “If a man summons his wife to his bed and she refuses, the angels will curse her until the morning.”


P. 139: “When there is a conflict between obeying her husband and obeying God, a woman owes her first obedience to her husband.  This means that she is not allowed to fast or pray unless her husband agrees, as laid down by the words of the Prophet of Islam in a hadith: “A woman shall neither fast nor pray without her husband’s authorization.”


P. 153: “This is not the only incident, unfortunately, of a Muslim saying one thing to an English-speaking audience and something else entirely to an Arabic-speaking audience and something else entirely to an Arabic-speaking one.  In the wake of the September 11th attack, a study even was held at which the main — and — only speaker was a public speaker from the Muslim community.  After he had finished speaking, those present began to ask questions, and I asked him: ‘Doctor, do you believe that the Islamic books we have will contribute to the creation of a peaceable and nonviolent generation?’  The speaker was well aware of who I was and of my contributions; he, therefore, replied: ‘Absolutely not!’ implying that Islamic books need to be altered or looked at more carefully.  However, when asked by a publisher of a Lost Angeles Arabic-language newspaper if it would be okay to quote his answers word for word, he objected. . . . deep down he [the [publisher] realized that what the speaker had said in a private forum was different from what he was prepared to say publicly.”


P. 155: “Islam is a sealed flask.  Its stopper allows no ventilation.  In order to safeguard itself and guarantee its continued survival this ideological system holds its people in an iron grip and has created an oppressive and despotic relationship between society and the individual.  The individual has no freedom within his society and has been deprived of his ability to express his opinion, especially when that opinion is not the prevailing one.  Islam has deprived its followers of the most basic form of freedom — the freedom to express oneself.  And it has killed their desire to enjoy this freedom.  In order to ensure its control over the individual, it has interfered in all aspects of his life, large and small, and has planned it out for him in every particular.  It micromanages his every activity and regulates the most private moments of his life — to the point of commanding him to put his left foot before his right when he gets into the bath.”


PP. 160-161: “How can a Muslim escape the grasp of his ruler when he is completely convinced of the necessity of obeying him?  How can he protest against this obedience, which represents obedience to his Prophet and therefore also to his God?  He cannot.  Islam is indeed a despotic regime.  It has been so since its inception, and remains so today.”


P. 179: “From its earliest beginnings Islam has forcibly defended its teachings.  It resorted to force because it needed power.  It used its might to stamp out any ideas that did not fit into its program, and kept its people firmly locked up in prison.  It rejected the principle of excellence and the laws of supply and demand.  Not merchandise but its own was allowed into its marketplace.  The Koran and the life, actions, and sayings of the Prophet Muhammad were the sole source of knowledge and the only basis for legislation.  Islam imposed these sources by force and allowed no others to compete with them. . . .”


P. 192: “If you read the history and teachings of Islam you will get the initial impression that Islam is more accepting of and less hostile to Christians and Jews, as it recognizes the sanctity of their holy books.  But anyone who scrutinizes this history carefully with a critical eye will realize that Islam has declared war on both religions, and has entrusted its followers with a sacred mission: to fight them until the End of Days.”


P. 199: “I always ask myself: Why have my children, the product of American education, grown up to respect others, no matter what their religion, race, or origins?  Why was I burned by the fires of hatred until late in life, and why are people in my homeland still being burned by that fire?  Why should people in the land of my birth not learn to love, so that they can be productive, efficient, and happy like people in other countries that teach love?  Why should people in my homeland not learn to accept people who do not profess the same religion as they do, so that they can live with others in peace and harmony?  We have learned to hate others, and this hatred has hurt us more than it has hurt anyone else.”


I quote extensively from Sultan’s book to give those who have not or will not read her book more than just a taste of what I feel makes her book great — and a terrific read as well.  As noted at the opening of this review, this is an important, necessary, relevant, and significant book that should be read by everyone.  


Here is something I found fascinating.  When I wrote this review (07-16-10), there were 66 reviews on the Amazon.com website.  Of those, only 8 were negative (and two of them were written by men whose first names were Mohammed whose negative reviews would be expected, so we’re left with only 6 negative ones), but here is what is fascinating: of the remaining 58 reviews, most were 4-star reviews and the remaining few were 3-star reviews.  Not only were most of the reviews of this book 4-star (outstanding), but the reviewers took the time to write extensive reviews, not just a sentence or two.  A serious book merits serious reviews which take time to write.


This is a serious book that needs greater attention as well as more readers.


This book can be found at Amazon.com: A god who hates: The courageous woman who inflamed the Muslim world speaks out against the evils of Islam

Switch: How to change things when change is hard

Switch: How to change things when change is hard
By Chip Heath and Dan Heath


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


I loved the Heath’s first book, Made to Stick, and I used the illustration I found in their book (about tapping out the beat of a song like “Jingle Bells” and then predicting the accuracy of getting another person to know what song was being conveyed by just the beat alone) in a speech I gave as well as in the revision of my textbook.  That book is well written, and it is, indeed, what prompted me to review their new book, Switch.  (The illustration is a great example of what it requires for speakers to know that they are accurately and precisely conveying their ideas to audience members.)


You can sometimes gauge the substance, depth, or seriousness of a book by the resources on which the author(s) depend in their writing.  In this 264-page book, there are about 24 pages of notes, and the resources appear well-selected, academic, and thorough.  Impressive!


“Chip Heath [from the back flyleaf of the book] is a professor at the Graduate School of Business at Stanford University,” and “Dan Heath is a senior fellow at Duke University’s Center for the Advancement of Social Entrepreneurship (CASE).  Previously, he was a researcher and case writer at Harvard Business School.”


The book depends for its basis on this fact: “. . . the brain has two independent systems at work at all times.  First, there’s what we called the emotional side.  It’s the part of you that is instinctive, that feels pain and pleasure.  Second, there’s the rational side, also known as the reflective or conscious system.  It’s the part of you that deliberates and analyzes and looks into the future” (p. 6).


The Heaths go on to borrow from Jonathan Haidt’s book, The Happiness Hypothesis in which “Haidt says that our emotional side is an Elephant and our rational side is its Rider.  Perched atop the Elephant, the Rider holds the reins and seems to be the leader.  But the Rider’s control is precarious because the Rider is so small relative to the Elephant.  Anytime the six-ton Elephant and the Rider disagree about which direction to go, the Rider is going to lose.  He’s completely overmatched” (p. 7).


With all that information offered, the Heaths now draw their conclusion regarding change: “If you want to change things, you’ve got to appeal to both.  The Rider provides the planning and direction, and the Elephant provides the energy.  So if you reach the Riders of your team but not the Elephants, team members will have understanding without motivation.  If you reach their Elephants but not their Riders, they’ll have passion without direction.  In both cases, the flaws can be paralyzing.  A reluctant Elephant and a wheel-spinning Rider can both ensure that nothing changes.  But when Elephants and Riders move together, change can come easily” (p. 8).


The three-part framework the Heaths suggest that can guide readers in any situation includes 1) directing the rider (give the rider crystal-clear direction), 2) motivating the elephant (get it on the path and cooperating by engaging its emotional side), and 3) shape the path (make change more likely, no matter what’s happening with the Rider and Elephant).  (See pages 17-18.)


This is a well-written book full of engaging stories that are drawn directly from the research.  Through the stories and the way the book is organized, the Heaths don’t just draw you in and along, they continually show you what it (the stories and research and insights) mean to you.  It is their conversational style, their lack of academic pretension, their ability to distill and make immediate and useful the results of scores of studies, that make this an enjoyable book to read — and for those seriously interested in change, or how to change business, how to make changes in your own behavior, or, even how to make changes in the world, their suggestions hold water.


This book is available at Amazon.com: Switch: How to change things when change is hard

The power of slow: 101 ways to save time in our 24/7 world

The power of slow: 101 ways to save time in our 24/7 world
By Christine Louise Hohlbaum


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


I already use my time wisely.  Twenty-one years ago (in 1989) I read an essay, “If I Had My Life to Live Over,” attributed to “Anonymous,” in an advice column by Ann Landers.  The piece she cited ended this way: “. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every moment, look at it and really see it and live it — and never give it back until there was nothing left of it.”  I thought the advice was accurate, and I immediately applied it to my own life.


When I discovered that essay, I liked it so much I incorporated it into my final Speech 102 lecture, “Love and Creativity,” each term and, thus, probably shared it with between 15 and 20,000 undergraduate students.  I had numerous requests throughout the years for reprints of the Landers’ column, which I gladly accommodated.


You needn’t wonder why Hohlbaum’s book, “The Power of Slow,” caught my immediate attention.  Although I retired from active teaching some time ago, my undergraduate textbook continues to sell well and requires continual attention; I have written five popular books designed for the general public (1 = “And Then Some”; 2=”Public Speaking Rules”; 3) “You Rules”; 4) “SMOERs”; and 5) “Relationship Rules”); I set up a publishing company; I maintain a website, www.andthensomeworks.com, with five-day-a-week posts on a blog including a weekly 1,000-word essay on a wide variety of topics; I travel extensively; I have an elaborately planted and maintained backyard with a gazebo, barn, and pond; I keep up with current events; and, I make daily visits to see my elderly father-in-law who lives in a residential-care facility in my home town.  The point is: to do this requires considerable planning and time management.  Any new tips are welcome.


In the introduction to her book, Hohlbaum explains that, “Slow does not mean stop; it means to be mindful.  The power of slow can be defined as the unmatchable force unleashed when you embrace your truest purpose in life.  Mindfulness coupled with a positive relationship with time will make you unstoppable.  This book is about harnessing your own power within and allowing it to unfurl.  It offers you 101 ways to check in with your power without checking out of life.  Time will help you do this if you let it” (p. xx).


The benefit of her approach, she writes in her introduction: “Slowing down long enough to actually think and become aware of your surroundings leads you to a deeper understanding of why you do the things you do.  Building on that awareness, you can make choices that are much more powerful than those made in haste” (p. xxiii).


What I found absolutely fascinating about this book is Hohlbaum’s delightful, comfortable, arm-chair approach.  She writes in an easy-to-digest manner which invites readers into her living room as she shares stories, insights, advice, opinions of others, and research.  It is clear from her writing that she has adopted her own approach to time.  


The principles are sound and well-explained, the cartoons are delightful, the quotations used are apt and to the point, and the overall presentation is a treat — with liberal doses of the author’s humor.  I thought the statement, “Let life be your greatest teacher.  If your best friend always shows up late, he is teaching you what to expect.  You may not be able to change your friend’s behavior, but you can change your expectation to match what he is truly capable of” (p. 172), applies to so much of life.  You cannot change other people, but you can reduce your own stress by being flexible, adaptable, and tolerant — sometimes by completely redefining the situation.  Pretend that you are a superior being and you have the authority and the ability to control your own behavior — others don’t.  To be happy you simply have to exert your authority and control!  (Read more of the author’s explanation and limitations of this approach on page 173.


The book is 240 pages long.  There are 41/2-pages of notes and a bibliography.  Hohlbaum is a public relations professional and a freelance writer.  If your world is inundated with things to do, if you feel that chaos is a word that accurately depicts your life, and if you can’t seem to manage everything you must to live a happy, daily life, then this book offers a calming, relaxing experience — plus, a whole lot of important advice.

This book is available at Amazon.com: The power of slow: 101 ways to save time in our 24/7 world

Paul and Me: 53 years of adventures and misadventures with my pal Paul Newman

Paul and Me: 53 years of adventures and misadventures with my pal Paul Newman
By A. E. Hotchner


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


It is always interesting, I think, to get information on how a person lived out of the spotlight.  What was Paul Newman like as a person, not as a Hollywood actor?  That is precisely what this book by Hotchner does — provide interesting, enjoyable, and humorous anecdotes, episodes, and insights.  You get an inside look at how Newman dealt with the death of his son, the start of his camps, and Paul's own illness, among other things.


This is not a biography.  It is, rather, a well-selected, carefully crafted, and thoughtfully written book about a friendship of 53 years.


Having written seventeen other books, including the bestseller, Papa Hemingway, you can expect a well-written and engaging book here, and that is exactly what you get.  


Deborah Mcpherson of Aubrey, Texas, in her Amazon.com review loved Hotchner’s book, and she, beautifully and cogently derived the essential message that Newman left this world: “For Newman it was all a wonderful lark and he contributed his success to huge amounts of good luck. But reading this book will have you thinking that it was more than good luck, good looks and charisma kissing his long, wonderful celebration of life. Without a doubt his success was largely due do his giving his all and then sharing the wealth he produced. He made a decision early on not to take himself too seriously, yet he most seriously did use his many talents. He shared his good fortune with the world. He found the secret to a good life is the more you give the more your good fortunes multiply.”


Honestly, I loved the book, the pictures, and the glimpses we derived from Hotchner’s wonderful, intimate, and successful relationship with Newman.



This book is availalbe at Amazon.com: Paul and Me: 53 years of adventures and misadventures with my pal Paul Newman

The facebook effect-The inside story of the company that is connecting the world

The facebook effect-The inside story of the company that is connecting the world
By David Kirkpatrick


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


If you want to know every detail about how Facebook began, how it evolved, and why it is the entity that it is today, then this is the book for you.  Some readers will love the minutia; other readers will want less — in the end it is a terrific story told in an interesting and engaging manner.  (There are 13 pages of notes.  Having lived in Amherst, Massachusetts, for six years, footnote #207 refers to Amherst Regional High School and an article in the Amherst Bulletin from 2009, which the author found online.)


If you are “a budding internet startup entrepreneur” then you must read this book first.  It will give you so much essential information for setting up a website and establishing it as a “presence” in the cyberworld, you will not believe it.


Andre L. Charoo of San Francisco, a reviewer of the book at Amazon.com writes that the book includes “details such as:
        - how Facebook gained so much traffic early on
        - how they scaled the site school by school
        - the major decisions Mark and his team grappled with at every stage
        - the strategy and thought process that went through Zuckerberg's mind
        - how they raised their first dollar of investment
        - what sort of information did they pitch their first professional investors
        - etc...”


The reviews for the book are outstanding.  David Ford "Dave Ford Does Earth,” from New York writes: “I saw David speak at a Digital Breakfast in New York City a few weeks ago and afterwards decided to buy his book. 10 days later I finished the book and have such a better idea of how Facebook came to be, where they are now, and where they are going in the future. His unprecedented access to Facebook insiders give a distinct and different perception of what happened and happens behind the walls at Facebook.


“Unlike many other books about Facebook, Zuckerberg is not painted as the villain. Instead, you get a sense of the tremendous responsibility this 25 year old has not only to his company, but to the world.


“My favorite parts involve the "sometimes lucky" corporate political maneuvering that allowed Zuckerberg to follow his vision, and how Facebook emerged in the middle of the battle between Google and Microsoft. I'd highly recommend this book. Its a page turner and chock full of insider knowledge about Facebook and the insiders of Silicon Valley.”


M. Clarke of Greenwich, Connecticut, sums up my feelings about this book in his short review at Amazon.com: “Kirkpatrick was for years one of Fortune's best writers, and that talent is on full display here. He assesses the often broad and complex situations around facebook deftly, in accessible and subtle ways. But it's when he lets his interview subjects speak in their own words -- from founder to current and past executives to investors -- that the book really shines. It's better than a good book, it's an important book.”


The problem with this book is that each story that Kirkpatrick tells leads to his next story, and each story is thoroughly engaging.  Once you get started in this book, you won’t be able to put it down.  It’s that good.

This book is available at Amazon.com:  The facebook effect: The inside story of the company that is connecting the world

Click: The magic of instant connections

Click: The magic of instant connections
By Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


The stories the Brafmans tell, the conversational language used, and the effective way they incorporate research findings and studies, make this a compelling read.  The only problem I see is that some readers may find that much of what they write about is common sense.  That doesn’t discredit the information nor does it detract from the quality or worth of the book; most people need to have this kind of substance to reinforce and underscore what they already know and practice.  There is nothing wrong with material that shores up and bolsters us in the ways we think and behave.


Having written a best-selling college textbook on interpersonal communication (my book, Understanding Interpersonal Communication, went through 7 editions), I can tell you that the information the Brafman’s offer is “right on.”  What the Brafmans add to any material on the subject is numerous examples that bring the information to life and add power and zeal to it.


If you’re just looking for an interesting, short (192-pages), and useful book that will occupy you for a couple of hours, this is a good selection.  You’ll lose nothing but a couple of hours, and it may be that you will have your behavior reinforced, your skill sets enhanced, and your overall ability to connect with others strengthened.  Nothing wrong with that!


This book is available at Amazon.com: Click: The magic of instant connections

Well Being: The Five Essential Elements

Well Being: The Five Essential Elements
By Tom Rath and Jim Harter


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


I like this book for many reasons.  Here are ten.  First, it underscores and encourages all of the activities and behaviors that I support — and have supported in my essays.  This book could easily have been titled: IMPROVING YOUR LIFE AND THEN SOME!!!


Second, it is supported by great evidence.  The Gallup organization studied people in more than 150 countries.  “Rath has been with Gallup for 14 years and currently leads Gallup’s workplace research and leadership consulting around the world” (from the back flyleaf).  Rath has degrees from the University of Michigan and the University of Pennsylvania — all Big Ten!!!!  (With tongue squarely in my cheek, there needs to be no other reason, of course, than the fact he is a U of M graduate!!!!)


Harter joined Gallup in 1985 and has a Ph.D. in psychological and cultural studies from the University of Nebraska.  Both are insiders in the Gallup organization and with their background and experience not just in polling but in interpreting of polling results, they are clearly experts who can depended upon for their credibility and expertise.


Third, it is written in a comfortable, easy, conversational style which makes reading it both pleasant and fast.  The book is already small (5 1/2-inches by 8 1/4-inches), and they have chosen to print each line almost double-spaced from each other.  This puts only 24-25 lines on a page in the essential first five chapters.


Fourth, it is practical.  Look, for example, at this excerpt from the chapter on “Physical Wellbeing”: “As you walk through a grocery store, one simple way to sort through what foods are best is to look for fruits and vegetables that have darker tones of red, green, and blue.  Look for reds in apples, tomatoes, strawberries, raspberries, red peppers, radishes, chili peppers, and pomegranates.  Healthy greens include broccoli, asparagus, artichokes, spinach, sprouts, lettuce, arugula, collard greens, kale, or Swiss chard.  Blue tones include blueberries, blackberries, cabbage, and grapes” (p. 77).


As you can see from the quoted material above, there aren’t any stunning or surprising findings and outcomes IF you already do all the right things in your life.  The authors simply underscore and encourage you in the same directions.  It’s a little like having a parental voice on your shoulder telling you — in all the right areas — to continue doing what you’re doing because you’re doing a good job!  (If you’re unhealthy and NOT doing the right things: read this book!)


Fifth, I like the authors’ choice to focus on the five main areas (discovered by distilling the results of their worldwide survey): 1) career wellbeing, 2) social wellbeing, 3) financial wellbeing, 4) physical wellbeing, and 5) community wellbeing.  These, and I’m quoting from the front flyleaf here, “five universal, interconnected elements that shape our lives.”  The chapters are arranged in their order of importance for the average person they surveyed.


Sixth, at the end of each of the five opening chapters (covering the universal, interconnected elements listed above), the authors offer “Three Recommendations for Boosting . . . “ that type of wellbeing.  These are simply summaries of what the authors discuss within the chapter, but they serve as excellent summaries and reminders.


Seventh, at the end of the five opening chapters, and after several pages of concluding remarks — which take a total of 112-pages only — the authors offer “Additional Tools and Resources.”  This is where you will find all the charts, graphs, and statistical results (along with discussion), and I have to admit that most people may not want to read all of this information (about 109 pages of information), but it is fascinating and well-presented.  Incidentally, the technical area of the book is written in a smaller font, and the lines are closer together.  (It is clear the authors were aware of which part of the book would get read!)


Eighth, I like the fact that the authors have refrained from including “cute little stories” that capture reader attention and cater to “the least common denominator” in reader knowledge and understanding.  They aren’t necessary in this book.  Instead, the authors talk directly to the reader — or use the third person: “A recent experiment revealed that just 20 minutes of exercise could improve our mood for several hours after we finish working out” (p. 78)” or, “It might seem counterintuitive, but one of the best ways to combat fatigue is by exercising” (p. 79).


Ninth, the paragraphs are short, and the sections are short as well.  You can read through and gain the essential information of this book in just over an hour or so.  The material is so valuable, the advice so important, and the ideas so critical to boosting your wellbeing that it needs to be short and to the point.  It is.


Tenth, the results from reading this book work!  Yes, you may have a better understanding of what makes life worthwhile (from the front flyleaf), but the important result is that if you follow the instructions, absorb the information, and incorporate it into your daily life, there is no question that you will be a better person.  Not only that, but your friends, family members, colleagues, and others with whom you associate will notice the results.


Buy this book!


This book is available at Amazon.com: Well Being: The Five Essential Elements

Ubuntu! An inspiring story about an African tradition of teamwork and collaboration

Ubuntu! An inspiring story about an African tradition of teamwork and collaboration
By Stephen Lundin and Bob Nelson


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


J Garrison, from Nebraska, writes the following in his four-out-of-five star review of this book at Amazon.com: “This book appeals to many different audiences. It is a quick read with suitable content to be applicable to workplace management, team building, developing learning communities and personal reflection. It is a fictional work which takes the reader through the individual and professional transformation of John Peterson from an authoritarian manager and distant spouse and father to a reflective and caring person who understands the value and necessity of recognizing the humanity in all people. Peterson hits rock bottom in both his work and personal life. He encounters Ubuntu when one of his staff sacrifices personal time to help Peterson out of a professional jam. Thus begins the transformative power of Ubuntu; the power found within a collaborative community striving together by discovering a unity of purpose and humanity. This book is both uplifting and reflective. An added bonus is the insight into the South Africa of today; the power of reconciliation to begin the healing process from the years under apartheid, the poverty that still grips the country; the beauty of the veldt; and the magic that is Africa.”


The overall theme of this book is, “We can be fully human only when we live in harmony with others” (p. 99).


Perhaps it’s me, I’m a little tired of books built on parables that relate to business, and this is another fictional narrative designed to help businesses build teams and cooperative efforts.  It is well-written, and the book flows well.  Unfortunately, I feel the theory on which it is based is common sense, the “how-to-do-it” approach suggested is both predictable and rather mundane, and I felt no attachment to the characters (especially John Peterson) of this fictional story or the story development.  You quickly get a sense of “who cares?” that makes it—even though a quick read (131 pages in a 7.6 x 5.1-inch format)—rather dull and boring.  That is why I reproduced J. Garrison’s review from Amazon.com at the top of my review of the book.


This book is available at Amazon.com: Ubuntu!  An inspiring story about an African tradition of teamwork and collaboration

A life of being, having, and doing enough

A life of being, having, and doing enough
By Wayne Muller


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


The author writes: “What, then, can we do?  We begin by listening, paying attention, gradually uncovering our own clarity and wisdom.  If we are to learn to trust that inner knowing and rely upon the authority of our deepest heart’s intuition, this is where we must begin.  For the voices of the world are loud, they are legion, and they are growing exponentially.  These outer voices each have their most decidedly necessary prescription for our lives.  Each screams louder than the next, insisting we listen to what they [sic] say, what we should need, want, buy, and do, to have a life of enough” (p. 8).


“Wayne Muller,” it explains on the back flyleaf,”is a Santa Fe-based therapist, public speaker, minister, and bestselling author.  His previous books include Legacy of the Heart; How, Then, Shall We Life?; Sabbath; and Learning to Pray.  He is the founder of Bread for the Journey, a nonprofit organization that supports community organizing and neighborhood philanthropy.”  I mention this simply because you would expect this book to be a religious one.  The author, however, responds: “I have no concern whether one is religious or not, whether one believes in heaven, or hell, or penance for indulging in these sins. . .” (p. 15).


Later in this same early chapter he says, “I have no interest here in any moral argument regarding sin as a religious precept.  I honor and respect any spiritual community that dedicates itself to creating a world where people’s lives matter, where they try to do more good than evil, do no harm, practice loving compassion and service to others.  Indeed,” he adds, “I take this seriously enough that I answered my own personal call to graduate from theological seminary and become an ordained minister” (p. 18).


I love the many truths that you find between these covers.  For example, “Let us be clear: The choices we make each day are rarely bold, weighty things that immediately, absolutely, and irreversibly eradicate the life we know and force us into a completely new, untried, and untested path for the rest of our lives. . . “ (p. 29).


Another simple truth: “If we can know with confidence and trust the source of love, the unshakable veracity of why we live and work and struggle and give, and remember always what we are living for, the choices we face each day regarding how we will choose and act and move will become vastly less complex and more simple” (p. 37).


And this comment, too, reveals the quiet, peaceful, soothing, and reassuring approach Muller takes: “In opening ourselves to the unknown, our choices may not find an authority within logic, reason, and accumulated evidence but rather in more subtle nuances of intuition, feeling, and sense.  So rather than presenting themselves with bold, decided confidence, bolstered by facts and figures, our choices reveal with tender humility, in a soft, open palm.  We may not know if we are choosing ‘correctly,’ but we can begin to trust from where the choice arose” (p. 43).


Now that you have a sense of how Muller writes, let me explain a number of other things about this book.  The book is 239 pages long (8.1 x 5.7-inches in size) with 61 short (average 4-pages each) chapters.  Each focuses on a particular story or example, and often there are additional poems to illustrate or simply expand on an idea.  Occasionally, too, there are short pieces that relate to religion.  For example, “This is, of course, nothing at all revolutionary or new.  For ages people have described feeling guided by the Holy Spirit, following the will of God, or living in respectful obedience to the ways of the Great Spirit; others take refuge in the precepts of right speech, right mindfulness, or right action” (p. 61).  There is nothing pushy here, just references and reminders and notations.


Muller concludes his chapter on “Listening,” saying, “So we begin by listening—a deep listening, with the ear of the heart, practiced among widely diverse spiritual communities.  We listen for, name accurately, feel our way into, make peace with, what is, for us, for love, for life, for today, enough” (p. 149).


This is the kind of book that is best read in solitude — a place where you can meditate, contemplate, ponder, reflect, ruminate, and lose yourself in thought.  It is a gentle, peaceful, soothing book that has the same effect on your mind as it has on your body.  It is an absolutely wonderful collection of thoughts, stories, and ruminations, and I assure you, that if you put this book on your “must read” list, you will not be disappointed.

This book is available at Amazon.com: A life of being, having, and doing enough

I am a neurotic (and so are you)

I am a neurotic (and so are you)
By Lianna Kong


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


This is not the kind of book I pick up.  This is not the kind of book I read.  This is not the kind of book I review, and I had no intention of reviewing it once I had it home and discovered what it was!  How’s that for an introduction?


It’s a very quick read (less than an hour).  The pictures are interesting and the neuroses are . . . interesting.  They are a collection of anonymous ideas submitted to an online blog that asked for them.


Many of the ideas — even though they may be true — are quite silly: “I always have to burn any meat I eat. I am so worried I will smell that undercooked, moist essence,” or, “Whenever I kiss my girlfriend I have a need to push my glasses up using her nose,” or “I can only eat jelly doughnuts by squeezing all the jelly out.”


I find most of the neuroses unique.  That is, I think they are peculiar to individuals and not the least bit universal in nature.  Also, I don’t find them neuroses (disorders of the psychic or mental functions) about which neurotics “suffer” (according to the dictionary).  They are, instead, quirks, mannerisms, or idiosyncrasies; however, I’m not sure when a quirk, mannerism, or idiosyncrasy becomes a neurosis.  When does it cross the line?  When it becomes a habit or a defining characteristic?


Yes, you will find that most of them do not fit your own modus operandi — the way you normally behave.  And, because of that, it might make you feel more sane or normal, that’s true.


But we all have little quirks.  The way we squeeze the toothpaste tube, the order in which we eat the food on a plate, the way we get dressed in the morning, the route we take to get to work, the order in which we do our exercises and how many of each we do, which e-mail messages we answer and in which order, etc., etc., etc. . . .


This is not a book I would order (there is virtually no substance here), and it makes no sense as a reference book.  If you left it in your bathroom just to read at those critical moments when you need a book to read, you would finish it in two or three seatings.  The quirks are short; however, they offer little, if any, insight into the human condition or into human behavior since they are totally anecdotal in nature and being relegated to idiosyncrasies rather than to anything supported with evidence, there is no generalization that can be developed based on their expression — except one: Lianna Kong found an interesting way in which to put a book together!


This book is available at Amazon.com: I am neurotic (and so are you)