The favorite child: How a favorite impacts every family member for life

By Ellen Weber Libby


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


This is an excellent book.  The reason I picked it up is simply because I felt I fit into her category (a favorite child).  I knew that of the three children in my family (I have an older and a younger sister), I was my mother’s favorite (definitely not by father’s — my father’s favorite was my younger sister.


This is a highly readable, well-organized, very insightful, well-researched, illuminating book, that is full of specific examples (case studies) from Libby’s thirty years as a clinical psychologist and her 60,000 hours of treatment of and for her clients.  You read, in some detail about families, parents, their children, and sibling rivalry.  Very engaging.


Personally, I think my anointment as a favorite child fostered precisely the traits Libby discusses: ambition, self-confidence, power, and a desire to serve.  I consider myself fortunate to have escaped some of the destructive dispositions such as a sense of entitlement and exemptions from the rules governing everyone else.  In my life, which may well be (and is likely to be) an exception, I feel I have capitalized on the positive traits of ambition and self-confidence that I have truly earned what I have accomplished (without entitlement and without exemptions).  Also, my family contributed substantially to my upbringing and the balance they provided between the constructive and destructive traits.  Libby writes about this at the end of her book when she said, “The importance of open expression of feeling and honest communication with these families [where balance occurred] was valued” (p. 273).  Of course, one example (my own) proves nothing.


We all grew up in families, thus, there is information here that applies to everyone.  If there is a thought that some of the information may not apply, then, to be sure, the material offers tremendous insights into others and why they behave as they do.


“Favoritism,” Libby writes as her final paragraph, “is normal in families.  Being the favorite child has benefits for the child as well as for society.  The burdens accompanying favoritism are also substantial but can be mitigated by respectful relationships among the adults who are in a position to influence the growth of the child.  In taking on this challenge, the challenge of bringing up children with the confidence and power inherent in being favored while also holding these children accountable for their behaviors, parents contribute positively to the characters of their children—our future leaders in all spheres of society” (p. 273).


Not only does the paragraph above give you a sample of her writing, but it demonstrates the power wielded by favorite children and the value of contributing parents and families to the growth of their children.  This is a valuable book that makes a substantial contribution to understanding family dynamics.


This book is available at Amazon.com: The favorite child: How a favorite impacts every family member for life

Lincoln and McClellan: The troubled partnership between a president and his general

By John C. Waugh


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

I thought so much of this title that I acquired it for my father-in-law, Edgar Willis, who is a Civil War buff, an historian, and a Lincoln “authority.”  I put that in quotation marks simply because he may not agree with my use of the word authority, here.  He is — and would agree with my assessment — an authority (without quotation marks) on Shakespeare or the history of humor in the media or even how to construct a joke (see his How to be Funny on Purpose: Creating and Consuming Humor).  He has read widely on Lincoln.


He thoroughly enjoyed this book and spoke highly of John C. Waugh’s writing.  He was unfamiliar with any previous works written by Waugh but would read any future books by him based simply on his enjoyment of this one.


Several things caught his attention in this book — things he shared with me in discussions after he finished it.  He thought the book was more about George McClellan than it was about Lincoln.  And, he realized too, that anyone who has read extensively on Lincoln or on the Civil War would probably not learn anything new from this book.  On the other hand, for anyone seeking an introduction to the Civil War, would find this great introductory material.


I found this last piece of information (the last sentence) fascinating for this reason.  Willis’s memoir of World War II, Civilian in an Ill-Fitting Uniform, although a memoir, serves as a wonderful introduction to World War II, and for those who want introductory information, Willis’ book would be a great beginning.


Willis enjoyed the contrast between Lincoln and McClellan.  Few books, Willis noted, (that he knows about) have dealt specifically with the unique relationship between Lincoln as Commander-in-Chief and McClellan as his general. 


With respect to the contrast between Lincoln and Mclellan, Waugh mentioned the fact that McClellan came from a patrician background.  He began as part of the elite of Philadelphia society, attended outstanding private schools, then the University of Pennsylvania and West Point.  At West Point he graduated second in his class, and because of his experiences and upbringing was both polished and refined. 


In contrast, Lincoln’s experiences and upbringing were diametrically opposed.  He was backwoods all the way.  Part of a hard-working frontier family and with little formal schooling, he had little polish and social refinement.


The contrast is important in the book for McClellan had little respect for Lincoln, and Lincoln’s suggestions to McClellan often fell on deaf ears.  Even Lincoln’s stroking of McClellan’s ego and his prods to get him moving did not work. 


McClellan’s primary weakness as the general responsible for the Union army in the East, was delay and postponement — risk adverse. Waugh makes it clear several times in the book that the Civil War could have ended several years earlier if McClellan would have been an effective general, would have followed Lincoln’s advice and encouragement, or acted decisively when circumstances dictated it.  Rather than acting decisively, over and over he found new reasons to delay and postpone any offensive.


The other thing Willis enjoyed in this 218-page (of text) book is Waugh’s use of research — too much research at times.  In addition to 8 pages of “Sources Cited,” there are 26 pages of notes. 


This is an extremely well-written, well-researched book that is thorough (covers the 15 months -- July 22, 1861 through November 6, 1862), interesting, detailed, and tells a fascinating story.

This book is available at Amazon.com: Lincoln and McClellan: The troubled partnership between a president and his general

Venus on fire, mars on ice: Hormonal balance---The key to life, love, and energy

By John Gray


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


I have been writing about relationships for many years.  My book, Understanding Interpersonal Communication (now out of print) went through seven editions and always included at least two chapters on interpersonal relationships.  Thus, I am familiar with the related literature and always interested in new developments.


That paragraph explains why I might have an interest in Gray’s new book.  Also, I feel that any book that will help people form, develop, and maintain healthy relationships can be (should be!) a useful tool for relationship partners — especially when it is as fundamental and practical as this one.


With numerous sets of male-female explanatory dialog, sentence inserts that offer key phrases, tables that illustrate key concepts, bulleted lists that aid comprehension, many real-life examples from Gray’s seminars and practice, important summaries when they are needed, this book literally begs for reader understanding.


Clearly, from the writing, the illustrations, and the advice, it is written for a lay audience — the same audience, I might add, for which his best selling book, Man are from Mars, Women are from Venus, was intended.  I say this simply to indicate that this is not a sophisticated book nor is it scientifically obtuse — although when you are explaining hormones and hormonal behavior it certainly could be.  Note the following paragraph from page 45:


        “Over the past 10 years, researchers at a variety of universities in Canada have developed and researched a new compound called PolyGlycopleX * (PGX*), a unique complex of water-soluble polysaccharides (plant fibers) that can help reduce blood sugar fluctuations”. . . (p. 45).


Incidentally, this is not typical prose, just an example of one explanation.  Most others are considerably simpler; however, Gray’s understanding of biochemical research and its applications is impressive.  There are so many facts in this book relevant to the success of relationships (or, at the very least, the understanding of relationships) that these facts could well be one’s only excuse (need) for reading it:


        “What’s more, he may become needy.  Did you know that the average man at 58 makes more estrogen than his woman does?  It’s true, and the estrogen — combined with his continuing lack of testosterone — tends to make him more prone to sharing his woes with his woman” (p. 161).


Now, the part of the book I found most interesting is Chapter 10, “Super Fuell to Balance the Planets—Nutrition for Healthy Hormones.”  One interesting point is Gray’s approach: “Do as I say, and as I do.”  Follow the guidelines, and you will fall in line right behind Gray himself.  Although I have no trouble with Step One (water, sea salt, lemon, aloe vera, and plant-sourced enzymes), in Step Two the ingredients that go into his “daily shake” (maca power, goji berries, PGX, caco nibs, a ai berries, coconut oil, stevia, and molasses) would be quite a stretch for most people (and, thus, not followed!).  Step Three (includes magnesium orotate or citrate, calcium orotate or citrate, potassium citrate, zinc orotate or citrate, chromium, and trace minerals) would also create some public concern.


You can love the book for all its connections between hormones and relationship effectiveness, but when it comes down to the nutritional elements “necessary” to mend the stress problems relationship partners may experience, I think most readers would want to solve their nutritional needs in a local grocery store and purchases they can make without going to pills, powders, and ingredients in vials and small brown bottles.


Although the tips for improving sleep patterns (pp. 195-197) are well-known (except perhaps for the use of the superfood PGX* with dinner), it is good to have them spelled out in detail here.


I thought Gray’s “18 Essential Sources of Love and Support” (pp. 211-225) were excellent — even though, once again, they are commonplace suggestions.


My one major weakness of the book is the lack of sources.  There are no page-by-page footnotes, notes listed at the back of the book, bibliography, sources cited, or even recommended sources.  I think this would add a great deal of strength to the book, and it would provide those interested, places to go to gain further information, related ideas, or even more support and evidence.  It is likely that most readers of the book would not be concerned about this, and it is unlikely to affect the sales of this book; however, it is a bit much to expect readers to assume that all of the information came from the author alone.  Of course, Gray has a great deal of credibility — especially with the popularity of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but that is no excuse for not including sources in this book.


This is, for the most part, an excellent read, and as I said earlier, any book that contributes to relationship harmony is welcomed.


This book can be found at Amazon.com: Venus on fire, mars on ice: Hormonal balance — The key to life, love, and energy

In pursuit of silence: Listening for meaning in a world of noise

By George Prochnik


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


I jog in the morning between 4:30 and 5:30 a.m. before the expressway (just less than a mile from our housing development) expresses its presence by the low and fairly constant cacophony of truck and automobile noise and between the times when trains, passing through our small village (about 3 or 4 miles from our house) signal their warning at each intersection.  In general, it is a time of near silence when few, if any, other cars are on the roads and no other joggers break my concentration.


I am often asked why I jog at such an early hour, and the comfort of the silence (and dark) easily justify the choice.  It is a time away from the various assaults on my senses of lawn mowers, leaf blowers, talkaholics, cars with boom boxes, traffic, trains, planes, and the continually annoying din of the media.


Why is my experience relevant to this book review?  Because I — or my experience — could have been just one more adventure the author, Prochnik, made in his “pursuit of silence.”  In his book, Prochnik suggests “that silence can exert a positive influence on our individual lives and our relationship to the world” (p. 14).  I support that conclusion with more than 30 years of jogging experience as evidence.


His experiences included a visit to the New Melleray Abbey in Dubuque, Iowa, the Barton Creek Square mall in Austin, Texas, Paley Park on East Fifty-third Street, just across Fifth Avenue from the Museum of Modern Art in New York City, Explosive Sound and Video, thirty miles from Cape Canaveral, just off Martin Luther King Boulevard, near the border between Seffner and Mango, in central Florida, Noise-Con 2008 in Dearborn, Michigan, Br el & Kjaier’s (B&K’s) global headquarter’s on the outskirts of Copenhagen, Portland’s Japanese Garden in Oregon, and the Sorenson Language and Communication Center at Gallaudet University, to name just a few sites on his “pursuit.”


The writing in the book is extraordinary: elegant, engaging, and humorous.  Also, Prochnik not only tells great stories along with his personal insights and adventures, but he cites numerous studies as he examines the scientific, sociological, and spiritual aspects of sound in addition to the political history of sound management.


In her five-star review of this book at Amazon.com , Dr. Debra Jan Bibel, who bills herself as “World Music Explorer, writes: “This book is important and should serve as warning. As Prochnik points out, it is an old story; only now the problem is becoming more acute as people have become desensitized to noise.”


Benjamin Swet concluded his five-star review of the book at Amazon, saying, “Entertaining and authoritative, with forays into science, philosophy, and the inner ear, this hopeful look at the contemporary American scene made me think in new ways about the possibilities for silence even in the loud rush of everyday life.”


This is one of those “must-read” books.  It is amazing.


This book can be found at Amazon.com: In pursuit of silence: Listening for meaning in a world of noise

It's not rocket science and other irritating modern cliches

By Clive Whichelow and Hugh Murray


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


I found this book delightful, not just because of the cliches the authors have found and explained, but because it was written by two British authors.  For me, this added a unique dimension for in every case, I was interested to see how many of our common phrases had survived the trip overseas.  That is, I wanted to see how they were defined by non-Americans.


The authors cover a range of cliches: general, media, entertainment, commercial, business, political, and social.  I think young people today are those who might benefit most from reading such a book as this.  What I found in my more than twenty years of teaching public communication was simply that when I pointed out a phrase to a student and labeled it a cliche, he or she was totally unaware that it was.  They simply did not have the background or experience to know it.  (That generalization was not true of all students, of course.)


Another group of people who might benefit from reading this is those who write greeting cards.  Can you imagine it?  There are already so many cards so full of cliches that we don’t need any more, that is true; however, when a slacker writer is looking for content for the blank screen in front of him or her, this book can certainly supply the missing “content.”  There is so much here to fill so many more cards with oh so many more “wonderful” cliches.  (They appeal to the masses!)


What I found to be a challenging and rather interesting exercise when I read this book was improving on the authors’ explanations.  It wasn’t the fact that “I know better than they do,” but, coming from an American perspective (rather than a British one), many of the cliches could have benefited from a better (more U.S. friendly) definition (not all of them, of course).


I have always spelled “DOH!” (the “self-flagellating expression of dismay”) as “DUH!”  although, I admit, I seldom use the expression in my writing.


“Gobsmacked,” meaning surprised, is a cliche  with which I was totally unfamiliar, but it originated in Liverpool, UK, and that may be a good reason. 


I loved the expression “Happy-clappy” to describe modern church services.  I had never heard that one either.  “Utilise” (meaning use) is another word I have never heard before.


Of the other cliches in the book, I have to say I have some familiarity with all of them.  I thought some of the explanations/definitions were a bit weak, but making up for their weakness was the authors’ use of humor, which was delightful.


This book can be found at Amazon.com: It’s not rocket science and other irritating modern cliches