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By Therese J. Borchard
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
The reviews of Borchard’s book at Amazon.com are outstanding — all nine of them as this review is being written — and I am not going to deviate from this trend. I am truly impressed with this book.
First, I enjoyed Borchard’s writing style. She is direct, straightforward, and to-the-point. She is forthright and honest. She really confesses a great deal in trying to help her readers. I was so impressed with her insights that I read the book almost in a single setting. It isn’t just her suggestions and ideas, it is, indeed, her sense of humor as well which shines through. Answering the question,: “Is there any rule that is absolute?” Borchard uses the example about making rules for the kids, “‘Absolutely no candy before six o’clock. Except when Dad is away and I need to bribe you with Kit Kats and Skittles.” (p. 99). Delightful!
Self disclosure? Lots of it. “As a recovering alcoholic,” Borchard writes, “I know that you’re much more likely to relapse if your pals frequent drug rehabs more than grocery stores, and as a manic depressive, I have learned that staying sane is an easier job if you avoid those who talk doom and gloom, because once the negativity is out there, it’s up to me to tell my brain not to dwell on it” (p. 129).
Second, I appreciated her upbeat approach. No matter what illness, malady, or trial you may be facing (even dizziness and nausea), Borchard’s stories, examples, and references are positive and uplifting. You don’t have to have something as severe as mental illness (or a malignant tumor and undergoing chemotherapy and radiation) to get something from this 197-page book with 144 entries. She is simply engaging.
Upbeat? All the time. “. . . Once I listen to an angry voice mail or receive a discouraging piece of news,” Borchard writes, “I start counting: one one-thousand, two two-thousand . . . and see how far I can get before breaking into hysteria. When I’m able to squeeze in at least five seconds between the event and my reaction, I can respond more appropriately and appear more . . . um . . . chemically balanced” (p. 145).
Third, admittedly, much of her advice may simply reinforce things you already know, but that neither makes it trite nor unnecessary. I first read this advice from Sydney Harris, when he was asked why he doesn’t become angry when the man who gives him a newspaper mistreats him: (and I am paraphrasing broadly here) I am not going to let him determine how I am feeling. Borchard writes, “Never ever bequeath your authority to a person not named ‘I,’ ‘me,’ or ‘self.’ When a doctor hands you a prescription for a drug you haven’t heard of, research it before popping it into your mouth. Or when a Blockbuster Video employee insists you pay $543 to replace their copy of Finding Nemo, buy a copy at Best Buy for $9.99 and hand it to him with a smile” (p. 151). Basically, the advice is, take responsibility for your own actions and feelings.
Fourth, I loved the broad range of sources she has read, absorbed, and quoted from. Some she mentions include The Little Prince, We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love, Touching Peace, The Four Agreements, Finding the Deep River Within, Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be, Cutting Loose, Ten Days to Self-Esteem, Joyful Wisdom: Embracing Change and Finding Freedom , What Happy People Know, and The Addictive Personality to name some of them.
Overall I found her Catholic upbringing acceptable. Although it shows up occasionally throughout her 144 entries, it is neither intrusive nor cumbersome. For some, knowing this may encourage them to read the book. Many would already know this from reading her daily blog “Beyond Blue.” Others may have read one of her previous books, I Like Being Catholic. This is not a religious book, and it is not necessary to be a religious person (Christian, Jew, Muslim, or other) to gain from her insights.
Not being mentally ill, mentally unstable, or mentally compromised in any way (that I know about!), and having never visited a therapist, I want to share an insight from DS, whose review on Amazon.com, gives a perspective I cannot: “As someone who has spent thousands of dollars on therapy, partial and full psychiatric hospitalization programs, and who takes the time to self-educate, I can't say enough wonderful things about this book. The advice is practical and graciously compassionate to the ups and downs of managing mental illness like bi-polar and uni-polar depression. The reader will benefit from Ms. Borchard's brave review of her own ‘Ark of the Covenant’: her bin of journals, notes, and therapy worksheets covering the last twelve years.”
I think you will find this book interesting, useful, and . . . short.
This book can be found at Amazon.com: The pocket therapist: An emotional survival
kit
By Isobel Coleman
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
From the back flyleaf: “Isobel Coleman is a senior fellow for U.S. foreign policy at the Council on Foreign Relations, where she also directs the council’s Women and Foreign Policy program.” From one of the reviews (this one by Jeanette) at Amazon.com: “This book is the result of nearly a decade of travel, study, interviews, and writing about women in the Middle East.”
Talk about convincing! Wow. Coleman offers direct (sometimes anecdotal, much more often statistical) evidence to prove the value of giving money to women (not men), and educating women (along with men). Here, she writes about educating women: “Due to the central role women play in the domestic sphere, increasing a mother’s schooling has a larger positive impact on the next generation than does adding to a father’s schooling by the same number of years” (p. 19). The direct, positive correlation between a country’s openness to educating women and that country’s rise from poverty is clear and well established.
I thought Coleman’s comments about promoting women to government positions as a way to counter extremism was insightful and accurate. (Isn’t it interesting that in America (between 1848 and 1920) “conservative Christians sustained a consistent rhetoric that giving women rights was against the teachings of the Bible, and would undermine the family” (p. 27), and as recently as 2010: “The Vatican today [July 15, 2010] made the ‘attempted ordination’ of women one of the gravest crimes under church law, putting it in the same category as clerical sex abuse of minors, heresy and schism.” Can you believe it? Islam doesn’t even allow men and women to pray together (p. 33).)
The key sentence of the book, and the point Coleman makes throughout her interviews and observations is this: “Islamists are trying to impose their restrictions on women . . . at a time when globalization and modernization are working in the other direction by inexorably expanding female opportunities” (p. 53). Of course, her approach is much broader than this, and her research, interviews, and specifics about life for women in the Mideast cover a far wider range, too.
There are five countries which Coleman profiles regarding women’s rights: Iran, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, and Iraq. Her writing is clear and easily digestible, her insights and observations are well-described and specific, and the anecdotes and stories are engaging and revealing. Reading the profile she offers on each country is heart-stopping, breath-taking, and mind-bending — especially if you have never traveled in these countries or have little familiarity with various ways-of-life around the world. It is hard to believe that countries could be this backward, regressive, and wrong-footed. (In Afghanistan, a deeply conservative country, Coleman writes about it today: “The resurgent threat of the Taliban looms largest over the country’s women.”)
Incidentally, the stories Coleman tells throughout the book alone, will not just hold your attention, they will rivet you to your seat.
Look at what Coleman reports about Saudi Arabia: “Saudi Arabia is a country of contrasts, no more so than with respect to women. Saudi women are internationally recognized doctors. They are prominent businesswomen running global companies. They are Ph.D. economists and scientists. They are deans of colleges and heads of university departments. They are journalists and newscasters. Yet none of these women can drive in their home country or vote in a local election. Saudi women enjoy fewer legal rights than women in any other country in the world today” (p. 205). Did you know that? These are the kinds of facts that you will learn from reading Coleman’s book.
Of course, Coleman goes much further than simply giving informational profiles of each country and how they treat their women. Her emphasis is about how women are working to change their repressive environments. What organizations are they forming? How are they using their academic, professional, and economic successes to break down their country’s pervasive discriminatory policies and social attitudes? In what ways are they experiencing political success and where are women’s reform efforts paying off? This is the driving force of this book, and, too, it is what gives Coleman’s writing energy and vigor.
I don’t know whether you can tell it or not, but I loved this book. One reviewer on Amazon.com writes: “Well-researched, well-written, and incredibly informative book by Coleman on Islamic feminism in the greater Middle East.” I couldn’t agree more.
This book can be found at Amazon.com: Paradise beneath her feet: How women are transforming the middle east
By Craig Robinson with Mim Eichler Rivas
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
If you’re just looking for a book of inspiration — searching for love, seeking discipline, establishing respect, living with conviction, being relentless, revealing passion — this would be a good choice.
If the book you want to read would be one about parental influence — that is, how parents can positively affect one’s life, and the imprint parents can leave on their children and their children’s values — this would be a good choice.
If, instead, you want a book about character — how a single person with strong motivation and unbelievable conviction — not only can influence others, but in special, well-orchestrated ways does influence those around him — this would be a good choice.
This is a well-written book in which Robinson derives important lessons from the way he was raised, the influences of both his parents, and the various guides and suggestions from his environment (teachers, professors, other coaches, co-players, kids he coached, and mentors) that he shares with his readers.
However, if you want a book that gives insight into the character of both Michelle Obama or Barack Obama, then this becomes an even more enjoyable and insightful choice. For example, I found fascinating the way Craig and his sister, Michelle, went about vetting Barack — determining whether or not he would be a suitable suitor. The insights Craig derived from the way Barack played a “pick-up” basketball game were both delightful and telling.
It was great fun reading about how Michelle (Craig calls her Miche) LaVaughn Robinson met Barack (while he was interning at the Sidley Austin law firm in Chicago). Craig writes of Miche’s interest: “But before that evening when we first met him, apparently Barack almost blew it by asking her out that first summer when he worked for her as an intern. Big mistake! When I heard about that, I had little hope for the guy. Michelle turned him down, adamantly. While I didn’t get the transcript of what she said, I can assure you that when my sister is adamant about something, there is no negotiating to follow” (p. 149). There is much more on this, but this gives you an idea of how much insight and information Craig shares — and how he uses examples from his life to draw lessons. In this case it was how the types of choices we make reveal character.
It was even more fun reading about Sasha as the flower-girl at Craig’s wedding, how she was coached, and then how she performed — dropping one petal at a time “with thoughtful strategy and purpose” (p. 184). Delightful stuff.
How Michelle delivered the “best-man toast” at the reception was also insightful. When she became choked-up, Barack “rose from his seat and went to stand next to her,” and how “I [Craig] went to stand on the other side of my sister—but I was more emotional than the two of them. And by the time Michelle was done, everybody in the place was crying like a baby” (p. 186).
The way Barack introduced the idea of running for the presidency, how he bounced the idea off Craig, and how Barack “asked if I [Craig] minded talking to Michelle about how this window of opportunity might not ever be available again . . .” (p. 189), is truly fascinating history. What Craig experienced emotionally before confronting Miche and his mother about Barack’s intentions was interesting, and how he prepared for both meetings was eye-opening to say the least (pp. 189-192).
Craig offers insider information about the planning and running of the campaign for the presidency and the role he was asked and came to play in the campaign. He talks about the importance that the interactive Web site played in the campaign and how “the game plan developed by Barack with his closest strategists (David Axelrod and David Plouffe) hinged on changing the game of politics as usual” (p. 198). There is no one else who can provide these insights, observations, and responses. What the Obama campaign asked of Craig Robinson was really “above his pay grade,” but how he responded, prepared, and delivered is information you will not find elsewhere.
I thought what Craig writes about the campaign’s response to the “out-and-out-lies being reported as fact” was exceptional information: “Indeed, Barack, Michelle, and all of the Obama fr President staff would stay up above the fray and not get into the mud-slinging. In the general election, that quality of character — keeping your cool and having the right temperament — would help win the day. Barack’s natural ability to remain calm and focused on the problem at hand — ‘No Drama Obama’ — thus made him the leader that America needed at a time of grave uncertainties. It’s one of his attributes that continues to amaze me [Craig], and I know him pretty well” (p. 209).
Sure, the book is about Craig, about basketball, and about character, but this book is amazing on a number of different levels. At just 256 pages, it is well worth the read!
This book can be found at Amazon.com: A game of character: A family journey from Chicago’s southside to the ivy league and beyond
By Wafa Sultan
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
Everyone should read this book. Not only is it a captivating story, not only does Sultan do an excellent job in describing and providing the specific details of her journey, and not only will this book shock you by what Sultan describes, this book is a real education about an important element/fixture in our society. This kind of knowledge is important, essential, and necessary.
Of well over 100 books that I have reviewed, this ranks at the very top of the list. The very top!
When you are able to digest all the information Sultan offers readers, you will be amazed at the changes in your mental state, the alteration of your beliefs, and the fundamental changes in your attitudes toward the Muslim world and, especially, Islam. She clearly provides the examples and the evidence that Islam is an archaic, outdated, obsolete, and anachronistic religion.
There is no way that a single review of Sultan’s book can possibly do it justice, and I know that this one will not; however, if you choose not to read this book, here is some of the essential information you will miss.
On page 26, she writes: “The teachings of Islam have destroyed the men and women there, and rendered them incapable of the smallest measure of humane behavior.”
On page 28, after writing about a young woman who had been sexually abused by her father, her brother, an uncle, or another male relative, who became pregnant not long after her first period, then taken to a doctor: “One would think that a doctor’s attitude to young women in distress such as this would have been one of care and sympathy. No relationship between a man and a woman in that sick society could be anything but oppressive and exploitative, not even the relationship between a male doctor and his female patients. . . “
Page 57: “. . . Islam, in its teachings, mode of thinking, and way of life, is still captive in a prison whose doors have not opened for fourteen centuries. It is exactly like a man who lives in a hut in the middle of a wood. The hut is Islam and the wood is the unknown. To avoid his fear of the unknown the man has locked all ways in and out of his hut and refuses to go out into the wood. The Muslim treats the world around him in the same way that the man who lives in the hut does. He is afraid of the world around him. His education has not encouraged him to equip himself with the skills necessary for confronting his apprehensions or probing the depths of that world. On the contrary, this education has taught him to fear his surroundings, convinced him to mistrust them, and warned him of the evil that that world holds in store for him.”
Page 79: “In Islam, a husband owns his wife just as he does the furnishings of his home.”
P. 114: “I feel into the trap of Islam in the early years of my childhood,” Sultan writes. When I grew older, I decided to escape from that trap. My freedom lies in my decision. I don’t believe that I will ever be able to free myself completely from the jaws of that trap — no one can — but my inability to do so does not detract from my freedom. I am free now, whether I manage to free myself completely or only partially.”
P. 124: “Under this law [Islamic law] the childhood of many young girls is violated throughout the Islamic world. In many Arab countries such as Jordan, Syria, and Egypt, hundreds of crimes are committed every year against the rights of underage girls, who have no control over their lives, by men from the Arabian Gulf states. These men with their illicit money and their nonexistent morals take advantage of the poverty running rampant in these countries to buy minors for money. For each girl purchased by one of these monstrous pigs, it is the beginning of a journey of suffering, which usually ends with the underage girl being returned to her family after her childhood, her womanhood, her honor, and her reputation violated in exchange for trifling sums of money, in the name of marriage in accordance with the law of God and his Prophet . . . “
PP. 127-128: “When discussing the deteriorating position of women in the Muslim world some defenders of Muslim law protest, claiming that Islam revered women, but that some of its followers had misunderstood the Koran and the Prophetic tradtion. But I still have a question: Have the same followers misunderstood the Prophet’s attitude to women in his lifetime? Where are the Koranic verses or Prophetic traditions that can alleviate the ugliness of these attitudes? They are not to be found. How can we view the marriage of a fifty-year-old man to a six-year-old girl (consummated three years later) other than as rape? The answer is not to be found. How can we view the marriage of a man to his son’s wife as an acceptable act? There is no passage to make one think otherwise. How can we view a man’s marriage to his female captive after he has attacked her tribe and killed her husband, father, and brother except as a crime? We can’t because there are no verses or traditions to persuade us otherwise?
P. 129: “Islam was born into an environment that sanctioned the capture and rape of women, holding them — not the man committing the crime — responsible. Islam did not proscribe what was already permissible. On the contrary, it legalized it and enshrined it in canonical law. . . .”
P. 131: “A Muslim man can see himself only in terms of his ability to pump out money and sperm. The Muslim woman, for her part, sees herself only as an incubator for his sperm and as a piece of furniture he has bought and paid for with his money. The man alone decides when to take possession of this object and when to deposit his sperm in it dictating a relationship in which human feelings have no value.”
P. 135: “When I began to learn to read, the Koran was the first book I opened. I can never remember anyone explaining these versus to me in a more merciful and tolerant way than I understand them today. Today most Muslims attack me unmercifully. They accuse me of picking out from the Koran those verses which serve my purposes, just as I would pick the best cherries out of a boxful. Naturally, I like this simile, and cannot see anything in it that reflects badly on my reliability. The box that God reveals is not supposed to have any spoiled cherries in it. . . .”
P. 137: “Muslim education has stunted women to the point of depriving them of their mind and their conscience. This education has had a profound effect on the minds of Muslim men and women alike. . . .”
P. 139: “The Muslim male is conceited. His ogre has appointed him as his deputy and has conferred absolute power upon him. This power knows no bounds and has no respect for women’s intelligence or emotions. Even where something as private and personal as having sex with one’s spouse is concerned, Islam gives women no choice in the matter. Muhammad: says in another hadith “If a man summons his wife to his bed and she refuses, the angels will curse her until the morning.”
P. 139: “When there is a conflict between obeying her husband and obeying God, a woman owes her first obedience to her husband. This means that she is not allowed to fast or pray unless her husband agrees, as laid down by the words of the Prophet of Islam in a hadith: “A woman shall neither fast nor pray without her husband’s authorization.”
P. 153: “This is not the only incident, unfortunately, of a Muslim saying one thing to an English-speaking audience and something else entirely to an Arabic-speaking audience and something else entirely to an Arabic-speaking one. In the wake of the September 11th attack, a study even was held at which the main — and — only speaker was a public speaker from the Muslim community. After he had finished speaking, those present began to ask questions, and I asked him: ‘Doctor, do you believe that the Islamic books we have will contribute to the creation of a peaceable and nonviolent generation?’ The speaker was well aware of who I was and of my contributions; he, therefore, replied: ‘Absolutely not!’ implying that Islamic books need to be altered or looked at more carefully. However, when asked by a publisher of a Lost Angeles Arabic-language newspaper if it would be okay to quote his answers word for word, he objected. . . . deep down he [the [publisher] realized that what the speaker had said in a private forum was different from what he was prepared to say publicly.”
P. 155: “Islam is a sealed flask. Its stopper allows no ventilation. In order to safeguard itself and guarantee its continued survival this ideological system holds its people in an iron grip and has created an oppressive and despotic relationship between society and the individual. The individual has no freedom within his society and has been deprived of his ability to express his opinion, especially when that opinion is not the prevailing one. Islam has deprived its followers of the most basic form of freedom — the freedom to express oneself. And it has killed their desire to enjoy this freedom. In order to ensure its control over the individual, it has interfered in all aspects of his life, large and small, and has planned it out for him in every particular. It micromanages his every activity and regulates the most private moments of his life — to the point of commanding him to put his left foot before his right when he gets into the bath.”
PP. 160-161: “How can a Muslim escape the grasp of his ruler when he is completely convinced of the necessity of obeying him? How can he protest against this obedience, which represents obedience to his Prophet and therefore also to his God? He cannot. Islam is indeed a despotic regime. It has been so since its inception, and remains so today.”
P. 179: “From its earliest beginnings Islam has forcibly defended its teachings. It resorted to force because it needed power. It used its might to stamp out any ideas that did not fit into its program, and kept its people firmly locked up in prison. It rejected the principle of excellence and the laws of supply and demand. Not merchandise but its own was allowed into its marketplace. The Koran and the life, actions, and sayings of the Prophet Muhammad were the sole source of knowledge and the only basis for legislation. Islam imposed these sources by force and allowed no others to compete with them. . . .”
P. 192: “If you read the history and teachings of Islam you will get the initial impression that Islam is more accepting of and less hostile to Christians and Jews, as it recognizes the sanctity of their holy books. But anyone who scrutinizes this history carefully with a critical eye will realize that Islam has declared war on both religions, and has entrusted its followers with a sacred mission: to fight them until the End of Days.”
P. 199: “I always ask myself: Why have my children, the product of American education, grown up to respect others, no matter what their religion, race, or origins? Why was I burned by the fires of hatred until late in life, and why are people in my homeland still being burned by that fire? Why should people in the land of my birth not learn to love, so that they can be productive, efficient, and happy like people in other countries that teach love? Why should people in my homeland not learn to accept people who do not profess the same religion as they do, so that they can live with others in peace and harmony? We have learned to hate others, and this hatred has hurt us more than it has hurt anyone else.”
I quote extensively from Sultan’s book to give those who have not or will not read her book more than just a taste of what I feel makes her book great — and a terrific read as well. As noted at the opening of this review, this is an important, necessary, relevant, and significant book that should be read by everyone.
Here is something I found fascinating. When I wrote this review (07-16-10), there were 66 reviews on the Amazon.com website. Of those, only 8 were negative (and two of them were written by men whose first names were Mohammed whose negative reviews would be expected, so we’re left with only 6 negative ones), but here is what is fascinating: of the remaining 58 reviews, most were 4-star reviews and the remaining few were 3-star reviews. Not only were most of the reviews of this book 4-star (outstanding), but the reviewers took the time to write extensive reviews, not just a sentence or two. A serious book merits serious reviews which take time to write.
This is a serious book that needs greater attention as well as more readers.
This book can be found at Amazon.com: A god who hates: The courageous woman who inflamed the Muslim world speaks out against the evils of Islam
