Difficult personalities: A practical guide for managing the hurtful behavior of others (and maybe yourself)

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

Difficult personalities: A practical guide to managing the hurtful behavior of others (and maybe your own)

By Helen McGrath and Hazel Edwards 

Here is what I like about this 285-page book.  First, it is a practical book full of specific, applicable, and relevant suggestions.  The various strategies covered in each chapter is overwhelming.  Having written about this topic myself, I find their ideas useful and valuable.

Second, the various sections throughout the book are short and to the point.  There is little excess, padding, or what some people might refer to as flotsam and jetsam.  It is a tight book that is well-organized.

Third, the topics covered are important and relevant.  The authors deal with incompatible personalities (e.g., extroverts versus introverts, planners versus optionizers, and thinkers versus feelers), frustrating and annoying personality patterns (e.g., negativity, superiority, and bossiness), confusing personality types (e.g., the anxious personality, the inflexible personality, and the demanding personality), damaging personalities (e.g., the passive-aggressive personality, the bullying personality, and the sociopathic personality), and a part, too, on strategies (e.g., for coping with sociopaths, dealing with difficult situations and relationships, rational and irrational thinking, healthy self-assertion, and sections on managing anger (your own and others), and conflict, as well as a section on developing the skills necessary for maintaining a strong romantic partnership).

The weaknesses of the book include, first, that it tends to be a bit dry — a bit like a classroom textbook.

Second, the number of examples are useful, but they tend to be fewer than in many similar books; thus, trying to stay with the book is difficult.  Those used are fine; however, many more throughout the book would make it more user-friendly.

Third, I think the best use of the book is as a reference tool.  For those in relationships or in business where different personalities always exist and must always deal with each other in various ways, it is great to have a reference book to which you can go at once to find practical, specific, and well-grounded advice.

Overall, the book is solid, and I recommend it; however, be aware of what you are getting.  This is not a light read even though it is well-written and gets to the point in each chapter. 

Available at Amazon.com for $14.95 or LESS: Difficult personalities: A practical guide to managing the hurtful behavior of others (and maybe your own) 

Mandela's way: Fifteen lesson on life, love, and courage

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

Mandela’s Way: Fifteen lessons on life, love, and courage

By Richard Stengel

Before embarking on this book, know what you’re getting.  This is not a biography.  As a self-help book, it does not contain earth-shattering, newly discovered, unique ideas that will move you from where you are to where you want to be.  Also, it is not an in-depth examination of any aspect of Mandela’s life.

It is, indeed, an easily digestible, comfortable collection of vignettes written by an editor of Time magazine who has “distilled countless hours of intimate conversation [and experiences] with Mandela into fifteen essential life lessons.  For nearly three years,” the front flyleaf of the book continues, “Stengel collaborated with Mandela on his autobiography and traveled with him everywhere.  Eating with him, watching him campaign, hearing him think out loud, Stengel came to know all the different sides of this complex man and became a cherished friend and colleague.”

The book gives you but a glimpse of the man; however, if that is all you want or care about, you get solid and interesting insights.

There are several things I really enjoyed about this book.  First, it offered me more than enough information about Mandela.  I really needed to know nothing more!

Second, the personal insights and observations were delightful.  I didn’t just enjoy the information Stengel shared with readers, but even more, I enjoyed the manner in which it was shared.  Stengel is a good writer, and the material flows effortlessly and comfortably; thus, reading the book is a pleasure.

Third, the stories, anecdotes, experiences, and insights are wonderfully engaging.  This is truly an entertaining book.

Fourth, it is a quick read.  It is a small book to begin with, and with each line widely separated from the one before and the one after, there are only 25 lines on a page.  Also, with only 239 pages of content, it is a very quick read.

Fifth, although the “lessons” are not earth-shattering, as noted above, it is always nice to have some fundamentals reinforced.  Lessons include: courage is not the absence of fear, be measured, lead from the front, lead from the back, look the part, have a core principle, see the good in others, now your enemy, keep your rivals close, know when to say no, it’s a long game, love makes the difference, quitting is leading too, it’s always both, and find your own garden.

Jill Guntur of New York ended her review of the book at Amazon.com in this way: “This wonderful book takes you through the life of Nelson Mandela from his childhood, through the freedom fighter days, into prison and the incredible journey of 27 years that could not destroy his soul, and then into his life after and his second marriage. It is an inspiring book and is beautifully written.”  I couldn’t agree more.

Get this book at Amazon.com:

Mandela’s Way: Fifteen lessons on life, love, and courage -  By Richard Stengel

Love Is the Best Medicine: What Two Dogs Taught One Veterinarian about Hope, Humility, and Everyday Miracles

And Then Some Publishing Book Review Mondays

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

Love Is the Best Medicine: What Two Dogs Taught One Veterinarian about Hope, Humility, and Everyday Miracles

By Nick Trout

This is a very interesting book for several reasons.  First, you get an inside, educated, and detailed look at the workings of a specialized veterinary clinic.  Trout is a staff surgeon at the Angell Animal Medical Center.  If you’re a person who just enjoys finding out how other facets of our society operate, then this book can be read and enjoyed for this reason alone.  And, it’s written for a layperson and includes no jargon or sophisticated vocabulary.

Second, Trout tells engaging stories, and it is fascinating to find out how the cases he treats resolve themselves.  The cases are interesting, the details are specific, and readers will truly want to keep reading to see what happens.

Third, whether you are an animal lover or not, it is delightful and charming to see the way a truly dedicated veterinarian treats both the animals in his care and the people who own those animals.  This is a book of compassion, and you don’t need to be an animal lover to appreciate it.  It can serve as a model for the compassion needed between relationship partners, neighbors, and those with views that differ from others.  It is a warm, endearing, and enchanting (even beguiling) story of both the empathy and sympathy needed as we deal with others.

J. Zeh, of Richmond, Virginia, wrote the following as part of his (or her) review at Amazon.com: “The author really shines in his descriptions of those slices of life, brief scenes that illuminate the people so clearly. Here is one about Ben and Eileen, deciding to pursue expensive cancer treatment for their dog:  "Could he really justify the cost without the promise of reward?... Ben never wavered. He had no idea how he would do it but he would do it, because at that moment, what was passing between them was precisely what his marriage to Eileen was all about. You could forget about the romantic getaways for two, the candlelit dinner at a fine-dining restaurant, or the contents of a small, velvety box. This intimate, unadorned moment, this connection, this was what mattered. This was the substance of their relationship, the inexpressable spark that lasts and reminds you how lucky you are to be sharing it.

“I hope this author keeps writing,” J. Zeh continues, “because I love these descriptions of small moments. They are like nuggets of gold in an overall pretty good book, which is a very enjoyable read. I look forward to more books from this author.”

L. A., of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, has neatly summarized my feelings about this book: “This is a very touching book about how special animals can show humans the best things in life if we let them. Animals have a way of living in the moment, not worrying, loving unconditionally, always forgiving, and being happy no matter what. The author details how two very amazing dogs do that for him.”

Love Is the Best Medicine: What Two Dogs Taught One Veterinarian about Hope, Humility, and Everyday Miracles

By Nick Trout

In and out of Hollywood . . .

And Then Some Publishing Book Review Mondays


Book review by: Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


In and out of Hollywood: A biographer’s memoir

By Charles Higham

If you are interested in one person’s (an insider’s) personal reflections on some of the past (and current) stars of Hollywood, if you like knowing some of the secrets of the stars, and if you have an interest in the dangers and excitements of gay life in Hollywood before AIDS, then I highly recommend this book.  Forget about whether his insights are correct or whether or not he has evidence to back up his facts — if you just accept Higham’s views for what they are (personal reflections on his own and other’s lives), then this book will offer both an interesting and entertaining read.

Higham was born in England in an upper-class family and here describes his home: “We had a staff of eight, four living in and four, including a gardener and his assistant, housed nearby.  Those living in included a cook-housekeeper, a lady’s maid, a butler-chauffeur, and my latest nanny.  We traveled by Silver Phantom Rolls-Royce to and from our home at Savoy Court in London” (p. 6).

One thing I enjoyed throughout Higham’s book is his easy, comfortable writing style which is personal and engaging.  The stories are insightful and full of detail so that it is easy to picture what he describes, identify with the situations, and fully appreciate all his reactions and reflections.  Not being one who was intimately familiar with most of the people he writes about, and never having read any of Higham’s previous books — taking but a passing notice of the lives of Hollywood personalities in general — his book still held my interest (which is a bit unusual!).

Another discovery readers make as Higham describes his early life, is not only how he developed his interest in literature but, too, his fascination with detail: “I walked more miles all over the city [London], enjoying the sense of being lost, relishing every vista, peering into the windows of mysterious dark shops that sold a vast range of jumbled goods.  A favorite haunt was the Musée Grévin, the chilren’s waxworks museum, a place of magic that made Madame Tussauds seem merely humdrum” (p. 40).

As an author myself, I loved the way Higham told about the production of his many books and how, at one point in the development of his book, Errol Flynn, production was stopped so that he could pursue a couple of leads he had discovered.  It is this kind of insight and description that makes reading this book fascinating.  Those leads were the ties that Higham made between Flynn and the Nazis — Flynn’s documented aid to the Nazi regime.   That is but one example of how Higham revealed some of Hollywood’s best-kept secrets.

If you just enjoy pleasure reading and like good stories, this would be a great choice.  Gail Powers of Harbor County, Michigan, and North Naples, Florida, writes this in her review of Higham’s book that effectively summarizes my viewpoint: “Mr. Higham . . . discusses his career as a journalist, his varied projects, stories he couldn't use in the course of his research, and many interesting tidbits relating to the celebrities he came to know often on a social basis. And if that weren't enough, this book took many interesting twists and turns regarding odd fortune which resulted in some pretty heady stuff.”

In and out of Hollywood: A biographer’s memoir

By Charles Higham

The Male Brain Book Review

Book Club - And Then Some

The Male Brain

By Louann Brizendine, M.D.

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

For this 271-page book, there are 40 pages of “Notes,” and 82 pages of “References,” or 122 pages out of 271 devoted to sources.  Basically, this is a 135-page book.

It is truly a quick, interesting read full of stories, case studies, real-life scenarios, and anecdotes.

Despite the number of notes and references, this is not a scholarly work.

If you’re new to the area of “brain science,” this book will serve as an introduction to the chemical/hormonal world of a man’s brain.

What Brizendine shows readers is how the brain is affected by various chemicals and hormones (i.e., testosterone, cortisol, oxytocin, vasopressin, etc.), how the brain ages from infant to elder, and how these changes affect the male personality.

Because the book is relatively jargon-free, uses plain language (despite her scientific background and the sources provided), is written in a clear, accessible style, its pop-culture-like feel, and her story-telling approach, the book should be read by women, boys, students, and others interested in a clear, direct, easy-to-understand approach.

It is truly an entertaining read, and women will not only understand men better, but they will be less likely to blame them for being men, and, thus, decrease the likelihood of conflict, especially conflict over issues that are deeply embedded in men’s genes.

If her book, The Female Brain, is anything like this one (I haven’t read it), I would recommend it to all men!